I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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