i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
God I need to hump something, right now.
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