he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
