This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
