Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
