Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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