Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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