you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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