Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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