I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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