South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
