Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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