carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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