I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
