can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
