I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
