I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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