Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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