Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
