You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
