I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
