I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
