woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
