Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
