Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
