So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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