First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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