you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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