yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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