we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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