What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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