Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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