it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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