Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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