i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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