so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
