so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
