I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
