his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
