ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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