you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
