And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
