The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
