I could have mohawked her pubes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
