I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
