is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
