It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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