What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
