Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
