Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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