i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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