I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think my fart just growled at me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
