Barsexuality is the new black.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
