the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
