I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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